I just couldn't believe it.

We talked for hours and when you said it meant the world to you; that it was all you ever wanted, I barely held back screams of anguish. The feeling of my heart expanding; tearing through built up scar tissue, sent rivers of fresh, hot blood coursing through my narrow veins.

I've been frozen for so long.  We disagree but this sliver of understanding has been a bursting revelation.  Not as the slow thaw of a Midwestern Spring, but sudden: like how a robin's egg blue June sky darkens in the time between two moments; gusty winds smelling almost of gulf storms, despite the impossibility. Sudden, and dangerous, and beautiful.

Even my gratefulness is cautious.  I fear thanking too easily, only to have the dancing, fiery object of my vision changed to ashes, sifting through my grasping fingers.

I run in circles, it seems, and I come back.  I'm addicted to pain and I need it like I need the burning healing that sears my soul.  The simple circlet entwined round my finger reminds me; always reminds me.

Yesterday you asked about it and I flushed.  I wished for an icy wind to take my short breaths entirely away. But I love my heart too much.  I love the way it feels; always an accompanying rhythm to my daily pace. Sometimes steady; often erratic; always persistent. Always here,  a few layers of flesh and muscle away yet so elusive, distance is incomparable.